fucker

Meh....lately...for some reason, mine and Pauls break up has been really been hitting my lately. I don't know why. The pain just keeps coming back, just when I thought I was fine. Will I ever get over him? I suppose not. No matter what I will always miss him. No matter how he treats me, what he does, I will still love him. I could marry some other guy, have children, and still love Paul. I hate this. Is there no way to get over him?? I've tried everything? I tried drinking to forget, talking to other guys, nothing works. It's been almost 10 mos. since we broke up. 4 since we stopped hanging out on a regular basis. I'd see him every now and then, but not anymore. I hate this, it's killing me. He says he's still my friend, but that's bullshit since he hasn't talked to me since last month. So he's not my friend.God, I wish this could just stop...